It's been a while...

Well, it's been a couple of days at least. I'm trying hard to keep my commitment to daily blogging but sometimes life demands my attention and I have to prioritize and those little sweet smiling faces comes first, every time. So thoughts for today have to do with the joys of being a woman. There's definitely great and wonderful things about being a woman. For one, we get to bring forth life, which is actually a pretty big deal. We get to paint our nails and faces with pretty colors and wear things like lace and ruffles. We get to smell like flowers and even put them in our hair if we want. We get to cry easily and nurture and all kinds of lovely things. But, there's a flip side to the wonderfulness of being female. Like the pain we endure to do the things we do as women. There's those pesky monthly hormonal changes that make us bloat 2 sizes, crave chocolate, and become maddeningly emotional. This is perhaps the most frustrating womanly thing we deal with. It is percisely this time of the month that when dieting, one will not only see the scale freeze, but for some it will actually go up a little. Of course we all know its fluid but it damages our motivation nonetheless. So, this update will reflect such changes. Though in a day or two, this extra weight will be gone and I'll be restored to my rightful place as confident dieter, charging on in pursuit of my loftly goal. So, here it is, today's weight: 170 lbs. This is up a little from my last update, but I'll try and keep reminding myself that this is also the process by which my body is amazingly equipped to bring forth life. Those 3 little sweet smiling faces that are peacefully sleeping now are great reminders of what a joy it is to be a woman. Certainly one of the greatest things I get to experience as a woman is the privelege of being a mommy. So I guess a little water weight gain isn't too bad. I think.

Onward and upward.

So the cravings are finally subsiding and I feel like I've turned a corner. Getting used to the mundane list of items allowed on this diet has been more difficult than the withdrawals from sugar. However, I've adjusted and am forging on! Thoughts for today: My kids. I've had one of the best weeks with them. We've laughed and played and had picnics at the park and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. Sometimes when we free up a part of ourselves, we have more to give to the important things in life. Funny, freeing up parts of ourselves can be so subtle, even unoticeable by someone looking in from the outside. Outwardly we appear the same. Except, there's more smiling and more laughing and more peacefulness in our energy. It's pure bliss to take joy in parenting my children. Hearing my baby girl learn new words is priceless. And her laugh when she gets tickled at her brothers and their silly antics is completely contagious. She's unlimited happiness in a 20lb package. And my baby boy, with all the love and kisses and cuddles and sweet words he gives to me everyday make life impossible not to enjoy. We share such a special bond. My big boy, even though his heart is somewhat hidden behind the vail that is Autism, is such a mama's boy. He is the funniest kid I know and I hope he never loses his ability to light up a room. I'm so blessed. My cup truly overflows with love for these little people. How, out of all the mommies in the world, was I chosen to be given these angels? I am humbled by their unconditional love and return it to them in every way I possibly can. They are such a huge part of the reason I am on this journey. I want to teach them the importance of health and taking care of their bodies. Since kids do what you do and not what you say, it's important I live out what I believe. Today's weigh in: 169.2 lbs. 4 days down. 34 to go.

The Importance of Kindness

So, of course this is a blog about my journey in becoming healthier, but sometimes emotions are connected to our views of food and how we consume and what we consume. I guess this is what is referred to as emotional eating. For some, the thought of food when they are not in a great place emotionally makes them ill. For others, they run to the fridge or pantry seeking out love in the one thing that's always there and always comforts them in their times of distress. Emotional eating can be done in times of happiness as well. But the connection of negative emotions with eating is probably something most overweight people can understand. It's as if somehow the food will heal us, bring us what we want most in life; peace. So we cry into our pints of ice cream and bags of oreos or fume over potato chips in a desperate attempt to suppress the real issues. This method always fails us. For one, the food is an inanimate object. It can't react to our emotions or give us any real comfort. It can't hug us or listen to us vent or be a shoulder to cry on. Yet, we put it in that very position. To be all those things and when it inevitably fails us, we feel horrible about ourselves and the extra weight these times can bring. We tell ourselves to find healthy ways of coping with our emotions and to not turn to food and yet when the moment comes, we succomb. It's a powerful pull and sometimes we feel powerless against it. Except we aren't at all powerless. You see, what stands between that bag of chips or pint of ice cream is our own desire and will. Something we are definitely in control of. We control whether we grab food or grab a helpful book. Rather we use our hands to reach into packs of cookies or fold them in prayers to God. Rather we use our mouths to chew chocolate cake or use them to talk kindly to someone who's wronged us. Because isn't that what we are called to do? Rise above? Reach out to God? Not rely on our own understanding? We are given, by God, freedom of choice and freedom of will, but He is ever present to help us in our times of despair and stress. He wants us to call on Him and not give into the weakness of the flesh. Which brings me to my next thought; never underestimate the power of kindness. No matter the issue, there's always a kind way to say what you want to say. Literally, ANY issue can be discussed respectfully and with loving kindness. Jesus was a great example of this. Those that wronged him, he loved still. Amazing. Kindness breaks barriers and builds bridges. It destroys hurt and leaves no room for regret. It strengthens relationships and raises self esteem. Kindness can overcome any adversity. It melts hearts and changes lives. Kindness is a weapon against hatred. Hatred cannot live in its presence. Kindness cures grief. It heals. It proetects. To be kind is to be wise and strong. I love this Scripture: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up." (Eccl. 4:9). We all fall down at some point and all need to be picked up at some point. These are called mistakes, short comings, struggles, etc. We all have them. All of us. No one is exempt. And so we must all help each other. If one has a short coming or fault, we should pick them up. This is true in politics, relationships, parenting, at work, and wherever we come in contact with someone who needs us. Perfection is not achievable. It is impossible. So love and accept others understanding that they, like you, are imperfect and in need of being picked up. Not kicked while down or laughed at. But picked up and helped along. This was perhaps more than what I should say on a weight loss blog, but since emotions contribute to weight gain, I thought it relevant. Here's my daily update. Weight: 170.2 lbs! 3 days down. 35 to go.

With a yum yum here, and a yum yum there...

Maybe it's just me. But for the past 2 days I can't help but notice how often food is presented in various ways. For instance, I know what most of my facebook friends cooked for dinner and how delicious it was. Now I'm sure this used to be just information I casually scanned and kept going. However, now that the sugar cravings have kicked in and my body is becoming more and more depleted of what it's used to having, I am more aware of food than ever. I have to DVR everything now so I can avoid the food commercials. Preparing food for my family wasn't difficult today but I was pretty hungry at times. I'm finding that eating every 2 hours is best. This makes cravings less noticable and keeps the hunger pain at bay. So this will be short and not sweet. Because headaches are par for the course when one is withdrawing from sugar, I need to make sure I get ample rest. However, there is good news. Todays weight was : 172.2 lbs. Down 1.6 lbs from yesterday. I actually weighed 170.8 tonight which means I weigh less tonight than I did this morning. So progress is being made. I will forge ahead. 2 days down. 36 to go.

1 day down. 37 to go.

I am thoroughly convinced that avoidance is actually denial in disguise. Today was my day 1 weigh in. After not paying any attention to what was going into my body for the last several weeks I knew this would be one of the hardest parts of starting this journey. I dreaded it. Loathed it. Avoided it. Hoping that somehow those midnight ice cream indulgences and iced vanilla lattes had no bearing on the number that would scream out at me from that slick piece of metal and glass on my bathroom floor. Oh how wrong I was for thinking any such thoughts. For pretending that by avoiding the scale that it would be kind to me at our next reunion. This was true avoidance. But I was also in denial. Not to worry. Reality's cold, hard, unforgiving hand slapped me right across the cheek and left me stunned and a little angry. Only at myself of course. For letting things get to this point. So here it is. Starting weight: 173.8 lbs. Just as a reference point, I was 175 lbs when I delivered my baby girl. And 162 lbs. when I last gave losing the baby weight a worthy effort. I am hopeful though. I know I'm going to shed the weight and not give up no matter how difficult the journey. Seeing those numbers was all I needed to make it through the day. As for cravings; there were none today. I was hungry, but not for anything in particular. I found preparing food for my family to be easy. I didn't desire it at all. This, I suspect, will change. Although if it doesn't, I will be overjoyed! However, I know there's still sugar coursing through my veins and keeping my cravings at bay for now. Once those trace amounts diminish and my body realizes there's no more coming its way, it will began its assault and demands. But for today, I made it. 1 day down. 37 to go.

Change. Friend or Foe?

So, this diet journey starts tomorrow and I can't say for sure if I'm ready to sacrifice and suffer through the withdrawals that come when sugar, starch, and yeast are no longer diet staples. Finally breaking the chains of these food addictions will be so liberating!! However, the process is going to be painful. My hope is that I can stay motivated through the first 7 days. After the first 7 days, things will get easier. Until then, I will be praying and blogging daily. Something else to keep my hands and mind busy besides reaching for or thinking about what I can (and cannot) eat. So that brings me back to the question; is change our friend or our foe? Well...it depends. We fight against any change. Good or bad. But good change should be a good thing, right? Then why the fight? Why the resistance and anxiety? Is it losing something we are comfortable with in exchange for the unknown? Perhaps it's just the idea of not being in control for a period of time when we are establishing our bearings in a new place or with new people that scares us so much. Good change can be perceived as bad even over such things as bad timing. This flawed thinking, however, is where we derail ourselves so many times in life. We resist change. The very thing that will take us where we want to go, we fight against. How then do we suppose we are going to accomplish those life goals and dreams if change isn't part of the process? Every dream and every life goal consist of things that are not yet present in our lives. Therefore, reaching the destination of those dreams and goals would logically mean that we will experience change as we strive toward what we truly desire. Some would argue that change isn't always a good thing. There is bad change. That change can cause hurt and pain and make us question ourselves and others and our entire purpose in the world. There's change that sends us whirling in directions that make us feel powerless. Out of control. Desperate. It is a mistake, however, to say this type of change is bad. It is in this change that we become our best selves. It is through these changes that we grow closer to God and closer to those who truly love us. We realize strength we didn't know we had. And grow stronger still. Even in moments of weak thoughts and sorrow filled hopelessness, we are learning and growing and yes, we are changing. So we should not stand against the winds of change with our backs turned, our collars up, our arms crossed, our bodies hunched over, and our heads lowered in desperate attempts to block out any effects we might feel. When we fight change, change still wins. Only now, we are exhausted in our efforts to resist it. We are stressed and anxious because our efforts are not working. Change isn't going away. So we feel defeated. Instead, we should turn around, throw our arms wide open, raise our faces to the sky, and let the winds of change caress us. Envelop us. Surround us. Exhilirate us.And so, this is how I shall embark on this journey. With my arms open and my heart willing. Because change... is indeed our friend.